For My Daddy: 1 Year Later

A year ago yesterday, my Daddy passed away right in front of my eyes. He was only 59. For the past year I have failed nearly a dozen times to produce in this space a proper post about him. I wrote his obituary for the paper (not exactly a fun task) but I want you all to know how special and important he was to me. But I have struggled--do I tell everything? The good and the bad? Just the good? I've decided to let whatever comes out, stay.

Last year was the hardest and fastest of my entire life. The hardest, I think is a given. But the fastest--I feel like I'm still catching up. Within the course of a week, these things happened:

• he had surgery for his hip
• they found cancer
• he was given 6 months to live
• he passed away a few days later

I was just beginning to process that I had six months. 

I'm mad I didn't get my six months. 

I only got two hours.

My Daddy and me

My Daddy was the oldest of three boys. I'm the oldest too, and there's a certain kinship there, with first born siblings. He was born and mostly raised in Waycross, GA, where I'm from. 

He was the most handsome boy in the entire school. I know this because I've heard it my entire life. ;) Even at his memorial service lots of women came up to me and told me this. But he was quiet. Not really shy, but kind of quiet they say. My Daddy was the DJ for the school's radio station. He had this awesome radio voice and sometimes would talk really deep to scare me and my sister for fun. 

He and one of his brothers moved to live with their dad, his wife and step-daughter in Maryland. The step-daughter had a babysitter, who was my mom. Long story short, they fell in love, got married, and two years later I was born. He was 21. They moved back to Waycross, where I was born, and he joined the Army.

My Daddy and me

We moved to KY and TN. Around 20 months later, my sister Jessica was born in TN. My Daddy was a huge music lover--such an eclectic taste that I inherited. In fact, all of his children's names have a m musical connection. Speaking of music, he played the blues harmonica. His youngest brother is a musician, and some of my best memories are of them jamming at family gatherings. 

You know how some families sit around at holidays and watch the big game together? Mine never was into sports--we're a big musical family. He had a great voice and I got my love of singing and music from him.

Eventually, he got out of the Army and when I was 3, we moved back to Waycross into the house that my mom still lives in to this day. 

My Daddy had these different phases in his life of various interests. I remember him loving motorcycles (Harley Davidson ONLY) and teaching my sister and me the various types. I remember the smell of his leather jacket he always wore. I remember his fish phase where we had aquariums all over the house of different types of fish, salamanders, and more. He had always loved stuff like that, and even had a pet alligator as a kid (we do live in the swamp, after all).

My Daddy and my brother

That love of all things aquatic got him into his next phase of being a scuba diver. He wanted to find treasure. He decided at that time to leave our family and eventually move to Orlando to become a scuba diver. Several years later, he married my step-mom and had my brother. They settled in another area of Florida for years.

He did underwater welding. I am pretty sure he also began his phase of hunting arrowheads--the tips of arrows fashioned from various stones made by Native Americans long ago. He loved this and was well-known for his talents. He had always said that he wanted some of his ashes to be at one of his favorite places to find arrowheads.

Me, Daddy, Sister

A few years after that, he got divorced and eventually moved back to his hometown. He started his own house painting business. My Daddy had huge love of history, of learning, of reading. No one could beat him at Jeopardy--I like to think I get my smarts from him. 

Me, Daddy, Sister

My Daddy was always very funny and loved kids. My cousins all have the best memories of him playing with them. Kids remember stuff like that, when adults give them attention and actually get on the floor to play with them. He was very patient with kids too. And six years ago he became a Grandaddy, and let me tell you, he LOVED those 3 babies. My last memory of him was at Christmas making slingshots with my nephew, Cam.

At Christmas, I could tell something was up. He seemed like he didn't feel well. In January my Grandmother called because he was in such pain that he couldn't get out of the bed. The Dr. said it was bursitis and sent him home. We found out later there were appointments he didn't go to. In February we found out his hip was broken and he was going to get it replaced. At the end of February I talked to him on the phone the day of his surgery. It was the last time I ever got to talk to him. 

We found out he had liver cancer, due to many years of alcohol abuse. It was not a surprise that this would happen one day but still a huge shock. I made the 5 hour drive down to see him. By this time he was asleep but when I told him it was me, he made a noise, and I knew he knew I was there. Two hours later, he passed away.

I'll always remember my Daddy as kind. A good listener. And hilarious. I know I don't come across as funny on here (you need to watch my videos for that) but I know I get my sense of humor from him. He was so smart. He was the light of the room but never had to have that spotlight. He was so handsome. I'll remember his laughter--he had the best laugh. I'm scared I'll forget that sound. I'll remember his smile. And I'll remember those gorgeous blue-green eyes that I was so lucky to inherit. He was so many things to many people, throughout these different phases of his life. I'm so glad I got to be a part of it.

I just want to thank everyone for their love, prayers, thoughts, and support over the last year. Your packages, letters, cards, emails, and comments have been a source of comfort for me. Thank you.