Block Not--Do

There's something you've always wanted to do, right?

Maybe you have a list of things. Maybe you have one big crazy idea.

What's blocking you for doing that thing?

Is it timing? Money? Not being good enough?

Or is it fear?

I'm telling you today to block not--do.

Huh?

Hang on. It will make sense. Let me tell my story first:

I've had a pretty crappy self-esteem most of my life. I've come a long way though. While I've accomplished a lot, it's prevented me from really pursuing my dreams. The mental blocks of not being good/pretty/funny/smart/cool/ etc. enough have always stood in my way. 

About a month ago, I was contacted to speak on a panel about social media. I usually turn down speaking engagements and most events because I'm so shy. I'd fail. I'd be awful at this. They'd think I was ugly. They'd hear my accent and immediately think I'm an idiot. I've had to deal with those issues before in life. It's not easy and it hurts.

Those mental blocks I have can be a crutch. An excuse. Well, I was going to fail anyway, and now I didn't because I said no. But if I want to grow my blog like I do, I had to quit all of this negative talk and stop using my failures and issues as an excuse.

I needed a sign to tell me this was the right thing. But in my story, I got an actual sign.

On the drive back from school, both the 6 year old I nanny for and I were quiet. We just let the radio play and were lost in our own thoughts until she blurted out, "Block Not....Do."

What in the world? Sounds like something Yoda would say, right? I quickly realized what she was saying. We were driving over a sign painted on the pavement that said DO NOT BLOCK, but the way it was printed it read BLOCK NOT DO if you read it from top to bottom. Now I'd driven over that sign many times over the past few years, but hearing her say that aloud, it struck me. That was my sign. My literal sign. Don't let the blocks get in the way. Do the dang thing.

I decided to speak on the panel. When I announced I was doing it, I felt very little support. I announced it on my blog, on my Facebook. Crickets. I even had a blogger question why did they choose me? She wanted my info so she could ALSO be on the panel.

Not the best motivator. Maybe I should quit? I mean, look at the other panelists. They have hundreds of thousands of followers! They were all gorgeous. What could this shy girl with a Southern accent bring the to the table? As I sat there waiting to be called up to speak, I decided I would speak as little as possible.

Block not--do.

But this was my opportunity and I wasn't going to blow it. I thought of all of the women in my life--Mama, sisters, Grandmother, and late Granny Sugar--and that motivated me. I wore my brightest pink lipstick (if you saw my Ride or Die video then you know why I love pink).  I didn't want to let them down. I wanted to be a silent role model for those of us in the same boat as me. True--I'm not skinny. I have a big nose the internet loves to make fun of. I'm not in my 20s either and young. But I didn't amass followers on my social media over night. Most of them came from hard work and from connecting with people. I could do this.

When I went to speak into the microphone, my hand started shaking. I grabbed the mic with two hands. My voice was quiet. I skipped chiming in a lot of the answers. I do regret that.

Then I got asked specific questions. I couldn't hide.  I'd never be as pretty or as funny or as ____(insert adjective here) as the other panelists. But I could be me, and I had something to say. I opened up my mouth and instead of trying to hide my Southern accent like I normally do (if you've met me in person, my accent is even stronger), I let everything go, all of those blocks, and decided to be the real me.

I told them I was nervous. I made jokes about my accent. And while I like to think they were laughing with me, hearing their laughter made me relax. I wasn't speaking in some professional voice, trying to be all cool and whatnot. I was myself. I gained more confidence for every question I answered. Whenever I got on my mic, I saw phones go in the air to record what I was saying. I expected the audience to be on their phones texting or something, but no! People were interested in what I had to say.

I was doing this, y'all!

After when it was all over, the audience was invited to meet the panelists. I started to gather my stuff to leave. But I looked up and saw a line of people wanting to talk TO ME! Me? Me.

When I finally got to my car over an hour later from speaking to members of the audience, networking, and even taking selfies with them, I cried happy tears.

I did it. I did the dang thing. And now I want you to, too.

Block not--do.