Please Stay

After seven years of blogging, where I posted usually five days a week, taking and editing my own pictures, creating hundreds of original DIYs, I ceased.

 And I had no intention of doing such a thing. I blogged through illnesses, vacations, through losses, personal struggles, deaths and depression. In fact, I had recently posted about my overcoming a recent bout of depression. I kept blogging as other bloggers went through burnouts or life changes and faded away. Not me! I had THREE YEARS of draft ideas for future blog posts. Nothing was gonna stop me!

And then I stopped.

For a month.

So here’s what happened when I stopped: 

Nothing!

Now this isn’t a new phenomenon. I have read plenty of posts on how bloggers took a break and had some sort of epiphany, like they were spending too much time away from family, that they were always on their phones, not really living life, you know, stuff like that. Not me. I was still on my phone or computer. I thought I would be sitting around finally catching up on all of those books I never get a chance to read. Or some nagging chore. Nope, I still tried out beauty products, I still took pictures, I still made things. 

I thought others would notice my absence, just begging me to come back. Nope, that didn’t happen either. Instead, I got encouragement from many to quit, something I’d not considered. It was like people didn’t notice I wasn’t blogging anymore (hey, we are all busy doing our own thing, so I didn’t take it personally). 

After another “maybe you should quit” message, the thought of leaving for good started to weigh heavily on me. I mean, I’ve never really felt like I fit in the blogging world. I’m not a gorgeous young 20 something sharing killer outfits. I’m not a Mommy blogger writing about the adventures of her family and the struggle of being a mom. I’m not an Instagram beauty blogger—I keep my makeup pretty natural-looking. Maybe they were right. I should just throw away all of that hard work. Maybe it was time for goodbye.

I opened up a draft to compose my last blog post, after not opening Blogger for a month. I decided to let the words flow. I just wrote two:

Please Stay

That was it. Those two words to you might mean an incantation to cajole my readers to not leaving me. But I saw it as a message to myself. You see, I felt lost when I wasn’t blogging, as if a part of me was missing. Blogging was never a chore to me. I always loved it. Sure, there are plenty of tedious, time-consuming aspects to it, but I truly have missed this space.

Those two words were a reminder to the advice I had always given—I write this blog for me. Me! Yes, I want it to be informative and helpful, but even if no one read it, like in the beginning, I stilll wrote. Elle Sees, the blog about all things beauty, is just who I am. And being here is what makes me the happiest.

But I can’t go back to how things were. There need to be some changes in this space that I created and love so much. First, I probably won’t be able to post 5 days a week anymore. My life (new job, 10 hour work days) and my body (restless legs, feeling tired), aren’t allowing it right now (although I’m really hoping that changes). Second, I am going to put more of ME into my Blog. It’s not going to be easy. I’m an introverted guarded person to begin with. I’m still uncomfortable in front of the camera. But it’s time to do it. Finally, I’m going to freshen up the design—it’s been this way for too many years, so expect some changes soon. Maybe it’s the season—I’ve always equated autumn with change.

I hope you will please stay.

I know I’m going to!