Normally, I fill this blog with all things beauty. But today I wanted to share an experience....my experience so I hope you'll indulge me for just a bit. This is very personal and very hard for me to talk about. In fact, minus a couple of people, I don't think I've ever talked about this with anyone. I'm not doing this for sympathy or a pity party. I just want to share what happened and see if you've had similar experiences.
So here goes. I was in Target a week ago studying the different sulfate-free shampoos. I paid no attention at the old lady who walked down the aisle until she began studying me.
"You know, you'd be pretty if you had your nose fixed."
My heart stopped for a second as she said that. My mind began to race with thoughts: Was she talking to me? Do I cry? Scream? Should I say something back? Cuss her out? But she's old! I was brought up to respect my elders. But she was RUDE! Thanks, lady for reminding me what I've heard about nearly my WHOLE LIFE. Don't you think I'd do something about it if I could? Instead, her words translated into "You're ugly."
I decided not to say anything back because I (a)knew I'd start crying (b)didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt my feelings. So I walked away, sans shampoo, and acted like I didn't hear her. Instead, I fought back tears and thought of childhood.
My family has always been great and has never really mentioned my nose. I had no idea that my nose was big and bumpy or that I was ugly until fifth grade. Two boys were talking about me on the school bus. "What do you think about her? Would you go with her?" "NO! She's got a big nose! A rocket nose!" And then the ENTIRE BUS began to chant "rocket nose." I wanted to die. I was THAT girl--the ugly girl with the big nose. Luckily, I wasn't taunted daily or anything, but I did hear about my nose over the years, like being told I looked like a witch. I'd hear comments that I'd "grow into" my nose. Or get asked if I broke my nose, fell, or had an accident or something. Even on Picture Day, the photographers would consult each other as if I wasn't there: "Turn her head this way. Move her chin down so we can hide that nose. Have her look over here. No, no never a side profile!"
I admit--I didn't show my face on the blog when I first started. Who would take beauty advice from someone that looks like me with my huge bumpy nose? And you'll notice I only take pics from certain angles to keep it from being too much on display.
But one day I decided to not let it bother me anymore. I embraced my nose. I ignored the stares and whispers. I let rude comments from drunken guys or anonymous blog commenters roll off my back. I was this way for years until that day at Target. So now a week later, the self-consciousness about my nose is still a tiny seed in the back of my mind. I wonder if I should've handled the situation differently and stuck up for myself. Maybe. Will I ever be 100% confident and comfortable with my nose? Maybe. But would I get my nose fixed if I could afford it? Definitely.
Share your experiences with body issues. Have you experienced what I have?
How did you handle the situation?
- Extra Elle:
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- Because I still love my 90s music, I went to the Deftones/Incubus concert. Great show and the people watching was just as good. It's my 4th time seeing Incubus.
- I've got a family friend that isn't doing well. Prayers are needed desperately.
- I'm making the 5 hour drive to my 2nd nephew's 6th birthday party! I can't wait to see my family. Hope you have a great weekend.
UGH!! There are times in life when I want to smack people for their stupidity. First, I have truly never noticed your nose because I love what you write and everything about you. Thus, I'm hoping you know how beautiful you are! We never forget what people say. I've struggled my whole life with a "lopsided smile" that would always get commented on. As I've grown older, it doesn't bother me as much but on the low days I remember the voices. Thanks for sharing this. XOXO
ReplyDeleteElle, I'm so sorry to read about this.:( But you know, I think we've all had moments like this, because let's be honest, some people are just cruel. There will always be that one person who will find something bad to say about someone just to make her/himself feel better. I have a lot of issues, and was an insecure kid growing up. I still am, but I think I've just reached that age that I've learned to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this post, Elle. (((hugs))) Your honesty has always been something we all love about your posts.
I remember reading this when you first published it and thinking it was the most outrageous thing. I still can't believe that this actually happened to you. Now I feel angry about it all over again! Someone people are just vicious and cruel and it's terrible that they unload that on others - but even worse is when those random acts of assholery and unkindness make us question ourselves and elements of our own worth.
ReplyDeleteCourtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines
Elle people can be so rude... your nose looks good to me. Think of Barbara Streisand... she embraced her nose and even had side profiles. I know what you mean though... I was burned in a fire and when I was younger some of the guys used to call me burnt toast. I think it's unbelievably sad what some children will say and adults are even worse at times... they should know better...
ReplyDeleteI've never noticed anything different about your nose to be honest lol
ReplyDeleteI honestly have never even noticed your nose...respecting your elders is all well and good if they are respectful themselves - it took a lot of strength to not say anything back!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston
ReplyDeleteI can't believe someone would say something like this!!!! What is the matter with people?! Old or not... RUDE! I honestly hadn't noticed anything before either, btw!
ReplyDeleteomg so awful!!! How could they ever say that? How rude and NOT true!! Thankful our beauty is defined by those around us but by the Lord who made you in HIS image! You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading this story, I was shocked about the nose comment because I never noticed your nose (your nose looks perfectly fine to me!). That older woman probably has too much time on her hands, that she cares so much about what other people look like and has to give her opinion. I think it's fine that you didn't respond to her, I wouldn't have either....it's not worth it. We must take everything with a grain of salt and not care what other people think of us, especially not strangers! I mean, what gives their opinion credibility?
ReplyDeleteJust last week my doorman said to me it looked like had put on a couple of kilos....Here people will say that and not think it's offensive...they say it as a compliment ( I think), like you're eating well, you look healthy, etc. But don't say that to a girl! I told the guy that is NOT something a girl wants to hear. I was bothered by it for the rest of the night and then had to laugh it off (but I'm never wearing those leggings out again! haha)
Dear Elle! Oh no, please, first of all, I know it must be hard for you to share this, and I know it's not to trigger pity and believe me, pity is not what I am feeling, but disgust at that lady at Target. You said you should respect her, because she was old, but wait, shouldn't she respect people as well? We respect old people, but we take for granted that nasty, spiteful people also get old, so that was her case. What does she mean for "fix the nose"? Surgery, but you breathe well, so fix what? Your nose is perfect. We fix what is not working. Besides, who said a big or small nose is beautiful? Society determines what we eat, dress, the size or our noses and etc. Then supposing you go to surgery, and after that, people start to pick something else - people always look for something to complain. You are VERY beautiful and forget the ridiculous people out there. They are not happy with themselves, so they pick someone. My experience about it was with breasts. I had gigantic ones since I was 13. They are still good sized, but I was so bullied, even by the PE teacher. I had back ache, and then I fixed them - but they needed to be fixed, they were causing me spine problems. I know that it's easier said when we are not in a situation, and nothing that someone tells us defocus us of what is ingrained, but believe me - you are beautiful and people who look for what they think are flaws have no brain. I hope you believe me!
ReplyDeleteDenisesPlanet.com
It just blows my mind that someone could ever say something like that. Elle, you wouldn't be pretty IF you "fixed" your nose. You ARE pretty. Period.
ReplyDeleteI have never noticed your nose? Regardless, you are beautiful and that old lady clearly has issues. There are several insecurities I have. My teeth have always been something that I am super self aware of. I had some asshole that I was dating tell me that I had a snaggletooth and from then on, I never really got over that. I have a scar on my lip from where my dog got me with her claw when we were playing one afternoon that never healed. And over the last 10 months I have dealt with the worst acne of my life that has me wanting to hide at home every day and hating looking in the mirror and seeing all these horrible imperfections all over my once smooth face.
ReplyDeleteThe nerve of that lady. People like that are usually insecure of themselves and therefor point out everyone elses differences. You are you and that is perfect. Thank heavens you aren't her, old and rude. I'm sorry that someone would even say that to you!
ReplyDeletePeople are so amazing sometimes... not in a good way.
ReplyDeleteI never ever noticed your nose being anything that stands out ... & we look at your face all the time with all your beauty tips.
Some people I think look for others flaws because they only want to make themselves feel better. #byefelica
Oh my GOD, people are so rude. I don't care how old that lady was, or how much of a filter she's lost over the course of her stint on the planet... YOU DO NOT TREAT PEOPLE THIS WAY. First and foremost, have a little tact.
ReplyDeleteSecond, you are BEAUTIFUL, Elle. And while you may not have a cute little model's nose (I don't either, girlfriend, I hear you), you are gorgeous. Not to mention talented, kind, a brilliant business woman, and a good friend. To hell with anyone who thinks differently. Although that is SO MUCH easier said than done- especially abruptly confronted with it when you're only trying to buy shampoo- keep that chin up and solider on. Know that someone else's opinion about your perceived imperfections are bullshit and don't matter at the end of the day except to make you stronger after you've dealt + overcome.
I'm so sorry that happened. I wish I were at Target with you; Rude Old Cow would've gotten a mouthful of shampoo! And you are so brave for sharing!
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
I don't know what it is with some older people but they just feel like they can say whatever they want without any regard to people's feelings. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you and she should be ashamed for being such a mean bee with an itch. You're pretty just the way you are Elle!
ReplyDeleteRowena @ rolala loves
Elle, I think it's so empowering to women every where that you embrace something others seem to have a problem with. Personally I think you have a lovely nose and it's you so who cares if someone else thinks it's not ok? Is it their face? lol I guess I never understood the need some people have to point out what they think is someone's flaws? I'll let you in on a little, yet not so big secret. (; I was born with two of my toes webbed together. If you look at one of my sandal posts on Instagram, you can totally see them. Most people don't even notice. My entire childhood I was constantly teased with comments like "can you swim better," "can you wear toe socks," "why don't you just get them pull apart." It goes on and on, use your imagination. (; To this day, my toes have never effected my life. I mean, they are TOES for heaven sake! When someone makes the "are you going to get them fixed" comment I just laugh. Why fix something that isn't broken? Keep smiling Elle. People like that old Target lady wont get the satisfaction of hurting your feelings. (:
ReplyDeleteTwo of my toes on each foot. haha I guess I didn't make that clear. (; They are very much symmetrical.
DeletePeople can be so rude. I do not know what makes people think it is okay to say something hurtful to someone, especially for no reason. Your nose is fine, Elle. Everyone has things about their looks that they do not think are perfect. I know I could list dozens of things about myself.
ReplyDeleteFirst, people can be so rude! You are so pretty. Sometimes I get teased about my nose, too. People say it's too pointy. I laugh and say it is a nose that deserves to be seen on a coin. It's great that you re-shared this story!
ReplyDeleteNow that you have embraced your (lovely, beautiful) nose, I bet you would stick up for yourself. People are always nasty thinking they are being "helpful" but should not say anything at all about another person's looks. Cheers to you and your inner - and outer - beauty!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe anyone would say that to you or anyone else. I saw a post on Facebook the other day where that said "It costs $0.00 to be a nice person" and I thought, well AMEN. I wish people would think before they speak and just be nice. I've honestly never even noticed your nose being anything other than just a normal nose like everyone else has. I know you're a Southerner so we can just say "bless her heart" and move on!
ReplyDeletePeople are jerks, and I know that we're supposed to just accept that old people have less manners but really, she needed to just shut her mouth. I don't even know why or what would possess someone to say something like that to a stranger for no reason at all. I'm glad that you've, for the most part, have put it aside. Because you're awesome and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI have major, major body issues. Too many to list.
I can't believe someone would say that to you! People are be so RUDE!!! I have honestly never even noticed your nose!
ReplyDeleteMelanie @ meandmr.com
I think you're gorgeous, and I never thought your nose was big! I think all of your features work well together. People can really be so rude. I didn't realize I had giant hands until a guy my freshman year of high school said I have man hands. Why can't people just keep to themselves? Is it really that hard to just mind your own business and say nothing?
ReplyDeleteYour nose is fine. I used to get told all the time that I need to eat. Due to I was so skinny. Also once got told I must have to run around the shower. Just to get wet.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amysfashionblog.com/blog-home
Some people just don't know they are being rude at all and just say whatever they are thinking. I have people assume all the time and say to me that I need to eat something, I'm too thin. I've had someone ask me if I had an eating disorder. That really hurt me!! Yes I am slim and happy with the way I look. People shouldn't assume so much.
ReplyDeleteMost of the rude comments I've ever heard come from old ladies haha. I guess women lose their "filter" as they get older? Anyway, your nose is fine so just ignore people.
ReplyDeletePeople always surprise me about how rude they can be. Why say something like that to a complete stranger? Honestly, I never noticed your nose before. I think you are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteJill
Doused In Pink
That story hurts my heart. You are absolutely beautiful. Blogging is such a fun, glamorous hobby, but behind all of the fashion and style, there are real people with real stories and hurts. I've always been self-conscious of my legs. Both of my parents were athletes, so I have an athletic and muscular build. In the age of the "thigh gap" it can be discouraging to look in the mirror and not align with what everyone considers the ideal body.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so candid with us! It's truly inspiring.
Cameron Proffitt
I can't believe the old lady would say that and purposely hurt someone's feelings...I mean kids can say and do stupid things but not grown adults?! It's probably hard to ignore those nagging words of the past but you do look fabulous and beautiful in all of your blog photos and videos and never once did I notice anything different about your nose.
ReplyDeleteAwww sweetie. I'm so sorry you had that experience. First off ai think you are beautiful just the way you are. You handled the situation well, you handled it with courage and grace. It takes courage to walk away like that. You are awesome, what a beuatiful person you are on the inside and on the outside.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I can't believe some people and the things they will say. I have seriously never noticed that you have a "big" nose. I would trade looks with you in a SECOND. I get told all the time I should dye my red hair blonde (I know, not the same thing...) and recently my MIL said, "Thank God your kids didn't get your red hair."
ReplyDeleteI wish people wouldn't be so cruel. You are beautiful.
We all have things we are a little self-conscious about (my pointy chin and off center teeth) but the vast majority of people don't see those things. Thankfully the majority of people view us as a person and not as one feature. I think you are a beautiful person inside and out!
ReplyDeleteI read your blog every day and I have never ever thought that there is anything wrong with you or your beautiful face!! That is crazy!!! I am super self conscious about a lot of things too but let that one go sister. You are perfect(: Susan
ReplyDeleteI try not to swear on social media, but people can really be assholes. I completely know how you feel. I was overweight my entire life and was teased relentlessly in grade school, middle school, and high school because of it. After college, I lost a lot of the weight, but I'm still not skinny. I still have days of insecurity where clothes don't fit right or I look fat in my blog photos and it really upsets me. It's getting better, but being called things like "fat pig" still sit with me all these years later.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I also have a big nose. *High five* It makes us look more distinguished. (To be fair, I don't think readers notice these insecurities we have about ourselves. Just own it and know that those you criticize someone about their looks are really the insecure ones.)
http://bedknobsandbaubles.com/
I'm sorry that this woman was horrible, I hope it hasn't happened to you since then.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel the same way about my ears. People called me dumbo. Nice. Kids are so nice. I don't know why people feel the need to comment on someone else's appearance. Go you for rising above and accepting yourself Elle.
For the record, I think you are incredibly beautiful - both inside and out. For someone of that age to still think it's okay to criticize another is a truly sad story; but you took the high road by ignoring her.
ReplyDeletexx
OH MY GOODNESS! I can't believe a lady that doesn't even know you (and an older lady!) would say something like that. I think you are truly beauitful!!! At least you are not shallow. I have had an old coworker tell me I have a hook nose before and even another tell me my face is too long. Both were men! Not sure why people feel they can make comments like that!
ReplyDeleteCarrie
curlycraftymom.com
Wow, people can be so jerky. I think you are a beautiful girl!! I think you did the right thing in just walking away. My experience with elderly people like that is that she may have a touch of dementia (saying things like that is usually a sign), so it was best to just ignore and move on. I was made fun of as a child for being chubby. The kids on the playground even made up a song for me and would sing it every time they saw me and my twin sister. It was terrible. They were sang that stupid song every single day for years. It finally stopped when I went to a different school. Even though this happened years ago, it still hurts to this day. No matter how well I do in life, those cruel children taunts remain in the back of mind. Always bubbling up now and then.
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful girl and you are awesome. Don't let anyone ever dull your sparkle. Hugs.
What!?! RUDE. Geez lady. You'd be pretty if your heart wasn't black and dead. :P I'm sorry seh said that to you. You are gorgeous girl!
ReplyDeleteI find it infuriating that old people think they can just say what they want. Just because they are old that doesn't mean they can be rude all the time. I'm so sorry she said that and that your feelings were hurt. I've never give your nose a second thought, you are beautiful!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe all are born with imperfections but we do not need to pay heed to someone's opinion about us especially the ones that do not know us .. ur blog and ur work speaks for itself n hey i never even noticed ur nose honestly.. its perfect.. happy weekend!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all you are BEAUTIFUL! I honestly never even noticed, and have loved each and every one of your beauty posts girl! I can't believe the nerve of that old hag... who does that?! But I totally understand having that one thing that you're self conscious of, and you can't not see it whenever you look in the mirror. The good thing is usually we're the only ones who notice it about ourselves, and the beauty is most others don't even notice. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI honestly NEVER have looked at a picture of you and thought, wow she has a big nose. So this surprises me. It's really good you have learned to embrace what makes you unique.I don't love my nose either but there are many things I'm insecure about. I need to working on being more confident like you.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you are gorgeous! You're such a beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside. I honestly don't see a problem with your nose or any part of you. But I guess we all have issues with ourselves. I'm sure we could all find something we don't like. When I was younger I was told my head was shaped like a peanut. I don't see it. Never did. But apparently all the boys in 1st grade did. One time my Grandmother said something very similar to me. Except she said 'You'd be very attractive if you cut and permed your hair.' My hair was more of an issue with everyone while I was growing up. Even my so called friends made fun of my hair. It was long and pin straight. Not sure how that was so awful, but everyone felt that it was. I spent years doing the most hideous things you could imagine to my poor hair. Including dumping bottles of peroxide in it to lighten it, cut my own bangs which ended very badly, and of course that perm my Grandmother assured me would transform me into a beauty. It didn't. I only got made fun of more and worse it changed my hair for good. Now I have to straighten my hair with a flat iron to achieve the look I was born with. Moral of the story? Don't listen to people. Most have no clue wtf they're talking about. Something I wish I would have learned sooner rather than later. You keep being awesome! :)
ReplyDeleteJust followed your blog! So happy I did, it's lovely here, I think I will stay forever! haha
ReplyDeletexoxo rkush.blogspot.com
Love the color scheme especially =]
For what it's worth, I think you have a beautiful nose. Also, very glad you decided to put pictures of your face on the blog. You have absolutely no reason to hide it!
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful and your nose is perfect because it's YOURS! When I was in middle school I had a crush on boy since elementary school and I finally got the courage to ask him to dance and he later told my friend he said no because I was 'a little too ugly for him'. That stuck with me all though my Highschool days. Now I look back and think of how silly it is that I was so sad he said that but I was a teenager so it got to me. Anyways long story aside- you are a wonderful person ell, beautiful inside and out!
ReplyDeleteThat is so awful that she felt the need to say anything at all, so rude. You showed some serious restraint. You are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI think your nose is quite cute actually! And it suits your beautiful face just perfectly. I too, have that one thing. Well actually I have more than just one, bout I get the old "Well you would be pretty if you would loose weight." WHATEVER BITCHES I'M PRETTY NOW.... How ya like me now!!!! LOL... I'm just used to it now so it doesn't even phase me. I am happy with who I am and that is all that matters. And you, my dear, are a gorgeous girl with an amazing personality, so who cares what people think of your nose. XO
ReplyDeleteHope your out-of-town foray is a good one! I'm so very sorry this happened to you, Elle. I have no idea what that kook of a woman's issue was. Too bad there are folks like that out there. I once had a blog comment from a fellow blogger telling me I needed to do something to fix my photography so I didn't look so short. I wrote a subsequent blog post about it and told her I was 5' 4" and she should simply deal with it. LOL! Hugs, T. http://tickledpinkwoman.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteGirl, I am Sicilian, and I know about about big noses. It's in my blood and my whole family has them...including me!!! No one really mentioned it to me in school probably because I had a big mouth (lol). I go through periods of insecurity about it, but the worst of it for me was when I met my now husband. He's a handsome man and lots of the ladies I worked with had crushes on him. The ladies in the cafeteria reacted to our relationship status by saying "you are dating HER? The girl with the big nose?? You can date better looking than her!". While this killed me, they were right. I have a huge nose, but it's ok because I make up for everywhere else...just like you!! You aren't your nose and I promise people don't even notice it. I look at you and see a gorgeous girl with hair I totally envy. ;) if your nose is big and bumpy, mine must be gigantic. Lol
ReplyDeleteWow, I can't believe someone just came up to you and said that! How rude! I wouldn't have said anything either, but it would be from shock! I think you're beautiful! The thing people keep mentioning about me of course is my height. It's never really bothered me, it does get annoying when people bring it up over and over. Yes, I realize I can't reach that shelf, thank you for telling me as if I didn't know.
ReplyDelete~Sara
Sincerely, Sara
Uh, it pains me to hear how mean and rude people can be! I mean, seriously?! You are absolutely goregous, not that it should actually matter one bit! For what its worth I think your nose, and all of your features are perfect because they are genuine, and yours! People keep trying to change who they are to fit someone else's bill, but people who actually embrace who they are and love themselves are the prettiest people in the world. Its easy enough to see by actually looking at the modeling world, where everywhere people are celebrated for those features! (Cara Delevigne & Giselle, anyone?!)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post! Seriously one your best!
Allie | RainyAllie
Love! Hope you have an amazing new week! :)
ReplyDeletexoxo;
STYLEFORMANKIND.COM
Facebook / Bloglovin
People can be so rude! I think your nose is just fine. You're a beautiful woman!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter complained that her nose was too big (which I don't agree), but my mother in law had an interesting comment back. She said it's a nose with personality, and she shouldn't try to change it or hide it.
Jealous people!! Your pictures are great and dog is soooo cute!
ReplyDeleteWould you like to follow each other in Bloglovin, Instagram (@travelera.es) , GFC? Please et me know, if you follow and which ones so I can follow back :)
xxx
www.travelera.es